Where to begin.....

I have come to tell you that my Surrogacy journey has come to an end. After a very long discussion with my husband and my IF's, we have decided that it is best to not continue.

As an update to my last post, I was rushed into Emergency Surgery last Sunday for an Ectopic Pregnancy. Unfortunately, this is one of the risks with IVF - although the embryo from the chemical in March died - my body didn't know how to absorb it so it floated around until it decided to take up home in Left Tube! Thankfully, it aborted itself (a pain I wish on NO ONE!) and was left floating around in my abdomen. .... that's the cole's notes version anyway....

Unfortunately, the surgery made us a little gun-shy... add to that when I got really sick in January (for those not remember, 2 week of hives, plus 4 weeks on hives internally, all with no apparent cause) and had a cancelled cycle....... we are done for now....

My IF's are amazing.. I guess they knew from last week that I wouldn't be going forward (apparently, this is something that is very obvious to everyone except me!) so today's conversation was just a formality! LOL

Good news though is that I already have a surro for them!! There is a woman I've been speaking to for awhile now and she was with a different couple on her own. We had been sharing each other's experiences through emails and being the ear that the other needed.. Things didn't work out for a couple of reasons and she was onto looking for a new couple to help.

She knew all along what was going on with me, but I finally asked her to look at my IF's profile and add them to her decision making....

Over the weekend, she choose them!!!!! I couldn't be more happier to pass the torch onto her! She will make an amazing surrogate and my IF's are amazing so I know she will be taken care of.

And there lives the end of my blog - thank you to my fellow readers.. I will still be following your journies and hope for the best for you!!!

With Love,
R

What A Weekend

Will post an update soon.. for some reason, I cannot copy and paste the post I want to put here..

suffice to say, it was not a pleasant weekend....

I'm Baaaccckkkkk!!!!

Hello to all in Blogger Land!!!!

I am Back - and definitely ready to roll!!!

So sorry for being gone for so long.. life has been weird lately, and I didn't really want to post about it for some reason..

Regardless - we are here and we are rolling! LOL

I had my Lupron Depot shot 3 weeks ago ... Man, i HATE that shot! I really pity the ladies that have to take that shot monthly... my goodness!!!!

Today was my suppression check - and Guess What?!?! - I'm Suppressed!!! LOL
I started my Estrace already and am gearing up for my April 29th Lining check!!!

My IF's have pulled back a bit... not sure why - I had someone explain a loss (or chemical pregnancy) in the eyes of a Gay IF.
They have not been through Infertility - they haven't had YEARS to go through to get to this point, so they think it should just work (not ALL IF's, just some, or most in our line of work). So, this past cycle with the chemical was their first blow with Infertility and how this, sometimes, doesn't work.

makes sense to me... I guess - but does that mean that they think I'm the problem?? Let's hope not... I like to think they are now guarded and know that not everything is peaches and roses, all the time - but I wish they could tell me that!

Anyways - this was not how I wanted my blog to go tonight.. it was just going to be a quick update - and I have decided that I will try to never delete what I have already typed out - so my true feelings and thoughts will always be on here...

Looking forward to following along with my other Blogger friends - !!! This WILL be our cycle!! :)

'till next time....
R

Day 1...

So - here we are... day 1 after first failed cycle... kinda sucks...

but - try to think positive, right?

As most of you know, I have IF's for IP's - they are P & M
They wanted M to go first with his embryos - doesn't matter to me, this was a decision between a couple that has no bearing on me...
~~~ this may be too much info for some people, and I'm not sure how much of this I should really be sharing... but I will edit later if necessary....

to begin, he had 5 embryos. Day of transfer, first 2 (of great quality) didn't make the thaw - arrested shortly after..

they thawed 2 more of good quality - after the thaw, they went to not-so-good quality, hence the chemical.

now he has one - that they grew out to a blast and re-froze... not so great quality on that one either.

P has 8 embryos - mostly great quality.

Original this morning, we were going to transfer one of each... which I think is the most coolest option...

Then the clinic email the guys to tell them that P's embryos are frozen two to a straw - our options are:
1.) transfer only p's embryos
2.) transfer one of each and either destroy the other of p's or grow it out and freeze it
3.) transfer all 3 if we all (me included) are agreed to this.

so you know the entire story:
M's blast is 5cell grade c (best being 8cell grade A)
P's embryos are
8c gr A
8c gr b

IP's are willing to carry on with pregnancy is Triplets take - me too.. would prefer this over a reduction..., but anything higher than triplets, we would have to reduce...

i've always heard the "Only transfer what you are willing to carry"..... and I would definitley don't want a reduction.

I played devil's advocate with M today - it was actually quite cute - he really doesn't want to upset the apple cart and doesn't want to do anything that will offend me (please, are you serious?!?)

So, I asked him if this was 'hypothetically' his pregnancy, would he reduce ? And he said no.... then I said, take my feelings out of the equation... if we are so lucky as to get a positive pregnancy on the next test, and we get to the ultrasound and we see triplets, what is your gut reaction... he said:
OHMYGOD!! I would LOVE it!

I think we were both scared to talk about this huge 'could be' situation.. I'm not sure why, we just were... we had always thought the other one would want to reduce - but neither of us does! LOL

that's about it for today - I really could keep writing, but I'm being called for dinner.. :)

Onwards and Upwards

So sorry to leave you all hanging... I just haven't had the patience to update....

Beta on Wednesday came back at 44 - was starting to get cautiously optimistic since it doubled from Monday.

Beta today came in at 52 - so I am stopping Meds...

Onwards and Upwards - we had all had the suspicion in our minds that this was going to happen so it isn't that hard to take..

We are now hoping that the clinic will allow us to cycle quick.... ! :)

I will update more about life later.... right now, i am sick as a dog and the couch is calling me!!

Judgement Day...

~updated to include beta results...

here we are... 13dp3dt....

I really don't know how I feel right now - I was really nervous about the bloodtest until my IF's txt'd me to not be... "whatever will be, will be" they said.... which is very thoughtful...

I think as Surrogates, we feel as if we have the entire world on our shoulders - well at least I do right now - and no one has said anything to make me feel that way! It's just me putting that on myself.

My hubby has been great - telling me to try not to stress over it - there isn't anything I could have done different... but then I think, but if I hadn't walked across the street after the transfer to get a sandwich (literally, 5 minutes) - OR if i'd stayed on bedrest longer (stayed on the couch for 2 days).. anything..

This could all be a moot point - I've had the blood test - now I'm just waiting for the results.,

I should have stolen the song from Duck's blog - the post that she wrote the day she was waiting for her BETA number to come in - that is really how I'm feeling at this moment..

Whatever will be - will be..... I can't change anything now......

Signing off until Beta results are in.....


BETA is In !!!!
13dp3dt - 22~~~
I am very pleased with the jump that happened over the weekend! I go back for a repeat on Wednesday - will update then!!! :)

Doubling Beta????

This will only be a quick update post as it's getting late, but I wanted to make sure I posted this today.

Was again at the clinic for unrelated business (I should probably mention that I do work from the clinic... may get into that a little later) so bribed the nurses to allow me to another beta...

BETA today (10dp3dt) was 2.5 - (anything under 5 is a negative)....

LOL

Before I went in this morning, I had every intention of this cycle being over and asking the nurses how the next protocol would be (long or short).
I did ask them (it will be short) while we were waiting - so at least I knew that after Monday, I would stop meds, get my period and start estrace on Day 2 (transfer 15 days later).

THEN, we get this BETA number of 2.5 - nurses (and doc) are now puzzled and are saying new BETA on Monday since the number doubled...
Anything doubling can be sign of a viable pregnancy........

Way to throw a wrench into it........ LOL

So, i am no further than I was, ... again!!!

this is what I get for being so Impatient....!

AND, I don't know if I should tell my IF's what's going on - they are quite blissfully ignorant thinking I am waiting for our bloodtest on Monday - they have no idea of the other ongoings... nor have I told them though...

any advise from blogland???